Why 16-Year-Olds shouldn't Have the Vote

If Winston Churchill thought the best argument against democracy was five minutes of conversation with the average voter, then surely the best argument against extending the franchise to 16-year-olds is five minutes talking to one.

The following interview was carried out at a family barbeque – the only place the interviewer had access to a 16-year-old without attracting the attention of the police.

John Black: Hello there, young Michael, mind if I pick your brains?

Michael (a 16-year-old): Hello, Uncle John. I don’t mind…but my mum doesn’t like me to talk to you…she says you’re some kind of fascist.

JB: Your mother thinks everyone who doesn’t vote Green and have a STOP OIL bumper sticker on their Tesla is a fascist. She’s a…

I don’t wish to bore readers with Black family politics so I’ve edited out my five minute tirade on the asinine lefty-ness of my sister-in-law. I was at the fifth –beer stage of the barbeque.

JB: Any way Michael…I’d like to ask you about the proposal for 16 year olds to get the vote. What do you think?...Michael…MICHAEL!!

M: Sorry, Unc. I was just tik-toking my Instagram on twitter. (OK, he said some other trendy techno-babble that I didn’t catch but you get the drift)

JB: Could you perhaps put the phone down for a minute or two?

M. Put my phone down?

JB. Yes. I understand why the concept is a new and terrifying one, but it might help us have a better conversation.

M. Conversation?

(There was now a short interval where I tried to explain the concept and being unsuccessful and feeling desperate for the future of mankind, switched from beer to hard liquor)

JB. Right, so why do you think sixteen year-olds should be given the vote?

M. Well, Carol at school says that-

JB. Is Carol a friend of yours?

M. Yes, she taught us that-

JB. Ah, she’s your teacher.

M. We call them learning coaches now. Teacher is a patsi…pastry…patree…

JB. Patriarchal?

M. Yes, it’s a patriarchal term.

JB. I see. It does imply authority, knowledge and competence. I can see why ‘Carol’ balks at the term.      Anyway what did ‘Carol’ say?

M. She said voting is important for social and climate justice. For our voices to be heard. And to make sure National and ACT don’t establish a Fascist white supremacist state.

JB. Righttt. Interesting views your teach... er…learning coach has.

M. She’s cool. You can meet her if you like. She’s over there.

Michael then proceeded to point out a large woman with a ring through her nose wearing a BLM t-shirt and a tiki larger than her head. She was busy hectoring my brother (who was operating the barbeque) for burning her vegan sausages.

JB. No, I’ll postpone that honour I think. What I really want to know Michael, is what you think.

M. I think…I think…the planet is dying and young people have to save it.

JB. It’s really not Michael.

M. Yes it is. Everybody says so.

JB. If your…learning coach…was doing her job she might have taught you that ‘everybody’ is often wrong. ‘Everybody’ thought the sun went round the Earth. ‘Everybody’ thought slavery was morally acceptable. ‘Everybody’ thought the mullet looked good on men. Do you see what terrible places, listening to ‘everybody’ can lead?

M. I’m old enough to get married and smoke…why can’t I have the right to vote?

JB. Well done, Michael, you have the beginnings of an argument there. Leaving aside that I believe 16 is too young to engage in either of these highly dangerous activities, they are not really analogous to voting are they?

M. Anal what?

JB. Comparable. The right to something like voting is a positive right – given to you by a contract, in this case a social one. It’s a two way street - the right to vote is given but duties and responsibilities are also expected – like paying taxes and following laws. Pay any income tax last year, did you Michael?

M. No…But I pay GST every time I buy something.

JB. Good point. But I’m sure you get more than that back from government expenditure – the roads you hoon down on your e-scooter, the protection of the police force, your learning coach’s salary…

M. What about smoking and getting married?

JB. These are negative rights. The right to pollute your lungs or hitch yourself to some poor female is something denied you by government action. Usually for your own protection.

M. I can make decisions for myself!

JB. Yes, I can see that. You’ve made a lot of them too. Deciding to vape – paying a premium to ingest flavoured smoke into your lungs, deciding to wear large black discs in your ear lobes, deciding to get the lyrics to a Lil Nas X song tattooed across your forehead, deciding to call yourself ‘non-binary’ despite having hairier legs than your average mountain gorilla…Q.E.D, I would have thought.

M. Q.E.D?

JB. Oh…look it up on your bloody phone!